Around two weeks before we finalized Cruz's adoption, we received a phone call from a friend of ours at the Mississippi Department of Human Services, specifically the Child and Family Division. Ashley and I were licensed foster parents at the time and were known by many of the social workers due to the nature of our adoption. The caller, a sweet woman named Libby, proceeded to tell us about these two girls who were half Hispanic and in need of a home. At first, I expected this to be a typical foster placement, a few months at most. However, as she continued telling me about the situation, I learned that their father was dead and that mother was likely going to prison. She told me that they were looking for an adoption placement.
Needless to say, I wasn't sure what to do. I asked some questions about the situation, etc and told her that I'd talk to Ashley and we'd call her back after we had some time in prayer about it. We had just bought a new house (higher mortgage, now that it was affordable because of our new incomes). We were hoping to begin having our own children. Things were looking up. Really up, we had a food and households budget of over 800 for our family of 3. That is a big deal people.
I called Ashley and explained. She was a bit nervous too. We prayed and talked late into the night. It seemed a bit crazy to us, but we felt like God wanted us to adopt these girls. We'd only had Cruz about a year and a half, and now we were getting ready to take on two additional children. We thought one child was expensive. Well, three are crazy expensive. And when I say expensive, I mean in every aspect of the word: financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
These girls though, Carmen and Lola, were such a blessing to our home, but this road was, by far, not without difficulty. Within a matter of months, our savings was gone and grocery budget was cut by a third. After a year, we had no savings and the grocery budget was down to half. Our house was also much, much louder.
In the just 3 1/2 short years we lived in that house, we filled it with so many memories. We finalized the adoptions of all three of our kids. It was the first real home my daughters knew. It was in this home that God directed us to missions. This is where we played in water in the front yard because we didn't have a faucet in the back. It was in that kitchen that we doctored the scrapes and cuts our kids got from playing or riding bikes in the cul-de-sac. There is so much happiness to be remembered in that home. It hurts to leave it, in more ways than one.
This morning we are carrying a check for $10,825.18 to the closing office to sell our wonderful home, everything we have personally saved this year (owing much of it to Ashley's amazing grocery buying skills). Emotions are high. That is a lot of money. But the truth is that, as much as we like to think that "we" are responsible for that money and that this closing is costing "us," this is God's money. When we think about all the corners we cut to save that money and then mourn over the loss of it, we are acting in our carnality. What is done in the flesh is done in opposition to God. (Romans 8) We must remind ourselves that "we are not our own." If we don't own ourselves, how can we think we own "our things"? We have the tendency to pity ourselves for the 'great loss' we are incurring rather than to praise God graciously for providing the means necessary to sell the house, release us from that burden, and further prepare us for His leading into missions.
My God has promised to care for my needs. When I define my needs, God will always fail my expectations. However, when I trust Christ and find complete satisfaction in Him, I don't have to worry about "what I will wear or what I will eat." I know that He will supply all of our needs according to the plan He has for my family. Our grocery budget is actually down to 250 a month now. But, God has graciously paid off our debts and continues to provide for us. We are debt free. We eat three meals a day. We live in a safe apartment close to town. Our preparations are going well. God was, is, and always will be good. We have learned that there is purpose in everything we walk through, no matter how difficult it may be. We are learning obedience, trust, joy, endurance, and so much more. The molding of a person's heart is a painful thing, but we trust that our Potter's hands will shape us into something beautiful as we are conformed to the image of Christ.
We choose to be joyful because...
"we must go."
"Lord, fill us up and send us out."
In Christ,
Seth
